Pity Parties NOT allowed....ok....

I'm not big on year-end summaries, mostly because in years past, I've usually had nothing to summarize.  As I mentioned in my last blog post, we're creatures of habit, so versatility/dramatic changes aren't very frequent.

This past year however, a lot has happened.  Without going into tons of detail, there has been a lot that has tested both my faith and character with some successes, but unfortunately more failures.  Emotionally, I had been all over the place and it was enormously challenging to keep a right attitude a lot of the time, especially early on/mid-way through the year.

When it was toughest to deal with our struggle, I would (sadly...) dissolve into woe-is-me, I can't believe I'm dealing with this, does God really think I can handle this because right now I think He way overestimated my abilities, this REALLY REALLY SUCKS, I'm so angry about this, why me, pity parties.  They were as awesome as they sounded.

The person I was during those times was not pretty.  I was so angry, weak (in character), constantly demoralized, miserable to be around, sad, and gave into my sin far more than I ever thought I would and should have.  I was far more concerned about me and what I wasn't getting than really anything else.  Yes, what I was dealing with was difficult (though, I know that there are others struggling far more than me...), but it's in trials that our faith is tested (James 1).  I certainly wasn't passing the test and the trial we found ourselves going through highlighted this glaring weakness in my character and faith.   I realized that I had a lot of growing to do.

Many people are familiar with the first chapter in James, that speaks very clearly on Christians considering trials joy.  Conceptually, I understand exactly what the point was.  It's truly a great verse and one I often looked to in previous struggles.  This time however, it was the last verse I wanted to hear and was very rarely, if ever, effective (that is of course all on me).  More often than not, I would just get frustrated every time I heard it (again, my problem) because, in my completely self-absorbed, angry, woe-is-me state, I didn't think this applied to me, or that it was impossible for me to consider my trial a joy.  And I certainly didn't WANT to consider it joy.  There are a host of character issues in those last two sentences alone, namely my "need" to control, my entitlement mindset, my selfishness, my struggle with idolatry, and several other issues that could easily be covered in each their own blog post.  For now though, I'll stick with the issue at hand, my need to consider my trials a joy.

This past Sunday, 2/3/13, we heard a really great sermon on trials and joy.  Instead of using a good go-to chapter in James, the pastor focused on Paul and his time in prison when he wrote his second letter to Timothy.  I'm really glad we decided to go to church that morning, because I was doing my best to get out of it beforehand.  The only thing that made me go, honestly, was the fact that I told my parents that we were going to go and I didn't want to later lie about it.  Lol, sad but true.  I think the timing of this sermon though, was perfect for me.  The pastor was talking about how throughout Paul's imprisonment, he was always far more concerned about the churches he had ministered to, more concerned about his "spiritual children" (those he had lead to Christ) than he was ever about himself.  Never once was he having a pity party about being in prison.  Not once. Was it easy? Heck no.  From a worldly perspective, he would have had every right to bemoan his circumstances, to lash out, be angry, be depressed, feel sorry for himself, complain.  But he didn't.

Comparing this to my struggle, I just feel silly.  Not so much because of what we're struggling with, but because knowing the magnitude at which he was suffering far exceeds mine, and he was still joyful.  He was joyful because ultimately, his joy was in the Lord, not his circumstances.  And this is where my true struggle originates.  I couldn't be joyful because my ultimate joy at the time rested in myself, my circumstances, and my desires which obviously weren't turning out how I wanted.  I was focused solely on me.  What a shocking revelation, right?  That when things wouldn't work out how I wanted them to, I would automatically delve into a horrible attitude/joyless, spoiled rotten brat mind-set?  I know, I was just as surprised as you...I NEVER would have suspected that....

Anyways, the pastor finished off the sermon by laying out 4 points to help avoid, as he called it, a spiritual pity party - tactics to help avoid being self-focused:

1. Gratitude for your spiritual heritage 
1. Who were those who led you to Christ?  Family? Friend? Church? Demonstrate your gratitude to them.  If not for them, we likely wouldn't know about what Jesus did for us on the Cross. 
2. On the flip side, what spiritual DNA are we laying down?  Who are we ministering to?
2. Commitment to affirm others.
1. The strongest temptation when having a pity party is to focus on ourselves.  To avoid this, think of others.  Thank God for them and their role in your life, much like Paul did with Timothy in 2 Tim 1:5 "I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also."
2. Who are we thankful for?  Who are we thanking God for?
3. Are we strengthening others around us?  Are we affirming God-given gifts that we see in others? 
3. Consistent Intercessory prayer
1. Praying for OTHERS. 2 Tim 1:3 " I thank God, whom I serve, as my ancestors did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers."
2. This was something that Paul regularly did - he was constantly praying for others around him, for people he had encountered throughout his ministry.
4. Daily dependence on the Holy Spirit
1. Verse 7 "For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline."
2. He is the One who strengthens our spirit 
3. Where do you go when you know you need resources beyond the resources that you have?  Our own competence isn't going to cut it.  That's where the Holy Spirit comes in - our God has not given us a spirit of timidity.  We can't hide from our problems.  We have been given supernatural ability in the Holy Spirit.  "The problem before us is never as great as the power within us"
   

When he laid these out, I was so encouraged because I felt as if I finally had practical tools to implement when I found myself delving into a joyless, self-absorbed, pity party/mindset.  These are also going to be very helpful in maintaining joy regardless of how things turn out.  It's a struggle, sometimes impossible to be joyful when I'm focused entirely on myself and what is affecting me at any given time.  I hope that by practicing and implementing these tactics, I'll finally start to change and not focus on myself.

The pastor also challenged us to read the book of 2 Timothy 3 times this week.  For the first time in a while, I was excited to begin quiet times again.   For so long, I've felt like I was just wandering through it, just doing it to get it done. After a while, I actually just stopped doing it all together because I felt like I wasn't getting anything out of it.  But now, I have a goal and a basic understanding of what it is I need to learn from this book.  I'm excited to see where I go from here.

That's all for now.  More to come in the future. Hopefully I'll have exciting updates to pontificate on in the near future :).