Give thanks

 "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." I Thessalonians 5:18

Lord, since memorizing this verse, it has popped up into my head quite frequently, particularly at times when I've been struggling with something.  It would pop up and even though I hoped I'd receive some sort of comfort or solution to my problem, I never felt any better about my circumstances.  I realized that this was because I wasn't actually doing what your word was telling me to do.  I wasn't "giving thanks".  I was merely repeating a verse to myself.  I want to change that Lord, so here I am, intending to write down to you what I'm thankful to you for.

Lord, thank you for the trials that you've put me through.  I have had a very easy life, and even in spite of the struggles, Lord you have protected me from far greater trials.  I find myself right now in a situation I never anticipated, but it has been teaching me a great deal about myself, my character, and my faith.  Lord, it's been so challenging but thank you so much for this struggle.  Thank you that it has opened my eyes to see how utterly weak I have been, to see how completely dependent I need to be on You.  I have tried to handle this on my own, perhaps with a few scattered prayers skyward for relief, and it has left me feeling empty, heartbroken, and longing for a comfort I could not hope to give myself.  God, you have been using this to refine me.  To mold me to your Person in ways I could have never dreamed possible on my own.  It has been so hard Lord, and the sense of longing and loss I feel is still so present, but you are strengthening me.  You are helping me to rely on you and not myself.  You are helping me to be patient, to wait, and to trust that you work all things to the good of those who love you. 

Lord, I want to be dependent.  I want to have the faith of a mustard seed.  I want to be a woman who always strives to seek and be near you always.  I want people to see you and not me.  I want to be like you Jesus.  Thank you for using this struggle in my life to help me see and fix the things in my life that have prevented me from doing so.

Thank you also God for our ability to pursue adoption.  Thank you that there is another way for us to bring children into our family.  Thank you that we have the finances, the house, the family, and the love to bring in a child or children who so desperately want what Jon and I had, the incredible blessing of a loving family.  Thank you that you will be with and help us become Godly parents to the little ones who will someday be ours.

Thank you for your provision in our lives.  We take so many things for granted and yet you still continue to bless us.  Thank you that we have such easy access to food, water and shelter.  Thank you for the fact that we have a car, we have electricity, we have clothes on our back.  Thank you that we live where we live.  Thank you for my job that has enabled us to pay off debt, put Jon through school, and help us be able to pursue adoption.

Thank you for my family.  Thank you so much that they live close and that we get to see them on a regular basis.  Thank you for the deep love we have for each other.  Thank you for my extended family too.  Lord, even though distance separates us, thank you that technology exists for us to "see" each other on a frequent basis.  Thank you for their role in our lives.  Thank you for the constant love and care they show us.

Thank you for my husband.  Thank you for his tender love and care for me when my heart has been heaviest.  Thank you for his leadership.  Thank you for his intelligence that has enabled him to pursue a teaching career that will provide for us.  Thank you for his strength, especially when I've been weak.  Thank you that he strives to love, follow and obey you.  Thank you for giving me my best friend.

Thank you for my health.  Thank you that I'm alive for another day.  How easily and quickly things could end Lord, but here I am for another day.  Please help me never take this for granted.

Thank you Lord, most of all, for saving me.  You are wholly innocent and perfect, yet you condescended from your heavenly throne to die on a Cross and bear the punishment that I deserved.  You had every right to destroy me, to send me to hell where I rightfully belong.  You had every right to abandon me to my sin and punishment.  But unfathomably Lord, you didn't.  Instead, you loved me.  You loved me past comprehension.  You loved me enough to die on that Cross in my place.  You took what I deserved on yourself and that is something I can never even hope to repay.   If I dedicated every second of my life, for the rest of my life, to thanking you, it would still never be enough.  But my God, thank you.   Thank you, thank you, thank you.  You saved me because you loved me, and that is something I pray I never get over. 

Thank you Lord for You.  Thank you.