There are many verses in the Bible that explain, and even strongly encourage us, on how we should handle struggles or trials. They're there for a reason, and that's because we live in a sin-laden world and every person will encounter some form of challenge in their life. Christians are not immune to this either, even though many people like to think otherwise. But what we have that the world doesn't, is hope. We have Jesus Christ Who has gone before us and Who will never leave or forsake us. And we have the Bible that has numerous teachings on how to handle trials, and encouragement for when we're struggling.
I'm grateful that we have so many verses that explain how we should handle trials. It's so easy to fall prey to our emotions and allow them to dictate how we behave when we encounter struggles, but in doing that, we're not helping ourselves. No amount of sobbing, anger, resentment, bitterness, jealousy, etc. will fix the situation we're in. That's why it's so great to have clear descriptions of what we should do in the midst of a struggle, like in James chapter 1 where we're told to consider trials a joy, or in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, where we're to give thanks in all circumstances (yes, ALL, even the bad). Even look to Job, who has his entire life torn apart, but he held fast. What an incredible standard he set for us Christians. One that many people, self included, have often fallen short of.
That said, it doesn't mean they eliminate the pain and the hurt we feel in those times. As I've mentioned before, Jon and I have been dealing with our own struggle lately, me more than him, but that's understandable. For almost 2 years now, we've been trying to have kids, with no success. We've been immensely fortunate that we've found alternative methods for bringing kids into our family through adoption here in OK, but we're in the thick of the waiting game now. And I can't lie, it's been hard.
As each month passes with no updates regarding adoption, and certainly no pregnancy, it's tough to fight the emotions of disappointment, sadness, frustration and fear. I know that adoption will eventually work out (though, I wish it would go a little faster...), and I can't wait till we're able to be mom and dad to a little one who needs a loving family to love and take care of them. And as I've said before, to us, there is absolutely NO difference between an adoptive and biological child. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to have a baby. I really do. And that's something I still struggle with, even though we're pursuing adoption.
With all the new pregnancy announcements I've been seeing lately, I can't help but think of when will it be my turn, if ever? Seeing people talk about their experiences, their "firsts", it's hard to fight the questions of "will I ever?". Will I ever get to announce "I'm pregnant!" to anyone? Will I ever get to go have a sonogram and see my little one's body starting to take form? Will I ever get to hear their little heart beat? Will I ever get to feel them kick? Will I ever get to go through all the joys and challenges of pregnancy? Will I ever get to experience those first moments when my child takes their first few breaths in this world? To hold them right after they're born, to cherish them, to hear their first cries, to hold their tiny little hands and feet? Will I ever get to figure out who they look like more? Will I ever get to pick their name?
These have been the questions that have been on my mind a lot lately, and it's been tough to fight the insecurity and fear that I feel when I try to envision my future and see no resolution to them. But thank the Lord for Jesus Christ and His Word. By God's grace and that alone, it's been a lot easier to be patient, to trust, and wait on His timing, than it was when we first started trying for kids. It's still difficult to be patient and fight the urge to freak out on occasion, but He has been working in my life in big ways, especially when it comes to finding peace and trusting in Him. The hurt and struggle is still there, and will be I think for a while, but I'm grateful that they don't control my life. I'm glad too that even in times when I stumble and find myself floundering in the midst of fear, disappointment, frustration, He doesn't abandon me. That's something I'm thankful every day for. He is an incredible and loving Father.
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