"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
For roughly the last few months, perhaps longer, I've been seeing this verse pop up a LOT. Whether I was reading a book, a blog, a facebook post, hearing it on the radio, hearing it in a sermon, or having it just pop into my head at random times throughout the week. It's been everywhere.
I couldn't tell you one way or another if God actively intervenes in our lives today. The best way I've been able to answer questions of this nature is to say that He can do anything He wants. I'm sure that there are times He does intervene and then there are other times when certain things can be chalked up to coincidence and/or misinterpretation. I'm inclined to say that the latter is probably far more frequent though. That said, I can't help feeling that in seeing this verse so frequently lately, that perhaps the Lord is trying to catch my attention, to try and help me learn something. Which brings me to Romans 8:28.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him..." Having seen and read this verse numerous times over the past several months, I have been contemplating what it means and what it means to me directly. I'm no theologian or scholar, so please don't jump down my throat if I don't interpret this correctly. ;-)
In the moments when I was struggling the most, I would read this verse and try to interpret it to mean the "good" that I had in mind for myself. My "good" was what I wanted, when I wanted it. My idea of "good" would have been the end of my struggle and to experience the subsequent joy and happiness in finally receiving the desires of my heart. In an attempt to try and make this scenario happen, I would try to change my attitude and think differently (as if God couldn't tell what I was doing...). When my idea of "good" didn't happen, I would fall right back into frustration and anger. For far too long, I outright refused to envision a different "good" because I was too focused on myself and my unmet expectations.
Time has a way of wearing one down though, and soon I went from anger to apathy and apathy to acceptance. In trying to learn to accept and be content with where we're at, I have seen this verse more and more. This in turn has prompted me to really evaluate what Paul is saying when "...we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him...".
He works all things for the good of those who love Him. I can tell you (most ashamedly) that through my attempts to orchestrate my "good" and this whole ordeal itself, loving Jesus was very far down the list. I was too in love with myself, too focused on me and my suffering to think about anything else. And sadly, my lack of love for Him was intentional. Because I believed that in choosing to love Him instead of me, I would have to give up what I wanted. And I didn't want to do that. The hurt and the fear of doing that, of potentially facing a undefinable time when I would have to wait for my hopes to come to fruition was terrifying to me. I didn't want to do it.
Things now are different however. I think I've finally come to understand what this "good" is, at least to me. I think by "good", in part, he means a "good" that we can't see in the midst of our struggle. That despite what we're suffering, His end goal will be far better than what we had in mind for ourselves. Which makes sense, obviously, you know, Him being the Creator of the universe and all, and knowing us better than we know ourselves and what would be the ultimate best for us.
I think by "good", he also means that our biggest weaknesses will be highlighted and challenged in the face of difficulties. This of course is a very GOOD thing because it's these weaknesses that prevent us from becoming more like Jesus Christ. They're the things that prove to be the biggest stumbling blocks in our faith. If we're able to see these weaknesses, we're able to eradicate them. If we're able to eradicate them, then we're able to be molded further to the image Jesus Christ. That's why it's a GOOD thing to experience difficult times, because it gives us the opportunity to examine our heart and character and to correct them when necessary. Because the end result of fixing our character will be GOOD because we will be one step closer to being like Jesus Christ.
Difficult experiences are also GOOD because they test our faith. This is why James said in chapter one that we're to consider it a JOY when we face trials because the testing of our faith develops perseverance (Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." - James 1:2-4). Faith means knowing that whatever the outcome of our experience is, Jesus Christ is still perfect, good, loving, sovereign, Lord above all, and in control. That no matter what life brings, we can remain steadfast because He Who went before us was steadfast. How can this not be to our good? The strengthening of our faith in order to help us withstand greater trials that we will inevitably face in this world. This is truly a GOOD thing.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him...". To LOVE Him. In
loving Him, we will be striving to become more like Him. When we
become more like Him, it will of course be to our greatest benefit, to
our good. What could possibly be
better than being further molded to the Savior Who gave His life for us? When
we learn and strive to love Him ABOVE all else, everything else in this world
will fall in comparison. That's not to say that in loving Him, all our
problems will go away. But in loving Him, He will be our biggest comfort in the
midst of those problems, and knowing that in return, He loves US. He is
with us through it all.
In examining my experience to see what I needed to learn, I have come to see that my biggest weakness has been that Jesus has not been the Lord of my life. He has not been the most important Person to me. He has not been the One I sought to glorify. He has not been the one I love most above all. Instead, and for too long, He's been the Person I pray to when I need something, as if He was some magic genie in the sky Whose sole purpose was to grant me my every desire. I would usually only go to Him when I needed something. I have come to realize that this is first and foremost, so deeply and profoundly wrong of me. Jesus Christ is GOD. He is Holy, PERFECT, righteous, gracious, merciful, all powerful, omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient, loving, and so much more. He created the universe and this world we live in. He created me. For me to trivialize Him to merely a request granter is appalling.
Second, I realized that this needs to change immediately and the only way to do that is for me to let go of the things I want in this world and reestablish Jesus Christ as the head of my life. To love Him above all else, obey, and to glorify Him needs to be the highest desire and goal of my heart and life. It won't be easy, but change rarely is. But it's worth it.
I don't know whether or not God has orchestrated this experience in my life to teach me this lesson or if this is just a case of us living in a fallen world. Perhaps I'll know someday down the road when I'm able to look back with objectivity and perspective that I don't currently have. What I do know is that regardless of how this event occurred, is has been something that God has used in my life to mold me more into His image, to draw me closer to Him and eradicate the things that would work to supplant Him in His rightful role in my life.
This of course all works our in the end for my good.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Patience.
They say that patience is a virtue, and in a self-absorbed, prideful, egotistical, feeling high and mighty mindset that I sadly find myself in far too often, you could very likely hear me spouting off why I believe I'm virtuously patient.
L.O.L.
Yeah, sure, I have no trouble being patient for the things in which I have no personal invested interest. If I'm in line at the grocery store, I honestly couldn't care less about how long I have to wait in line. Heck, if you wanted to cut in front of me, I'd send you along with my blessing! If I needed gas and had to wait for other people in front of me, I might be a little worried for fear of running out of gas, but otherwise, I'd be perfectly fine. Even if I was out clothes shopping and you purchased that last remaining item of clothing that maybe I had my eye one, you know what? Knock yourself out, I'm sure you'll look great in it! I can come back some other time and see if they restocked it or find something comparable (ok, this last one is like 50/50...).
Regardless, in trivial matters, (barring situations where I'm in a time crunch or have a deadline to meet), I've got all the time and patience in the world. As much as I'd like to think, my patience in those situations is not some impressive display of self-control and moral fortitude. I'm pretty sure most people will agree that it's easy to be patient for things that don't really have an impact on their life. For things that do though, well that's a whole different story, at least for me anyways.
As I've highlighted before, patience has been something I've struggled with for a while and I'm not proud of it (cats anyone?). In the past, it wasn't beyond my capabilities to become incredibly moody, sullen, irritable, grumpy, whiny, complainy, manipulative, disgruntled, and even on occasion, angry, because I couldn't get what I wanted when I wanted it, whether due to finances or other outside forces that were beyond my control. Honestly, it's really embarrassing to admit that, even now, it's still a struggle. However, by and through God's grace and with the help/encouragement of my loving and understanding husband, I have really been striving to fight against my immediate I-want-it-now desires and to instead practice patience. Praise and glory to God, I have actually had some successes. I couldn't do it if I was relying on my own abilities.
Recently, though, my new-found, fledgeling self-control is being put through its first real test, and it has definitely not been easy. It's been a genuine struggle to not get frustrated, become moody or irritable, and honestly, to not panic as Jon and I are navigating through a new phase in our life. Because of continued disappointments and struggles, it's been difficult for me to not freak out about the little things of the process we're going through because I so desperately want things to work out. It's so hard for me to be patient because I want things to be accomplished as soon as possible so that we can guarantee that we won't have to wait for very long for what we want. That somehow by getting everything finished quickly, we'll guarantee success, even though logically and rationally speaking, I know that it likely won't have a huge impact one way or the other. That unfortunately doesn't negate this fear that I have, a fear that if we don't get things done immediately, then things will fall through and we'll be right back at square one. And that terrifies me. In so many ways, I feel like time is our enemy.
I've really been struggling with how to deal with this. The best way I can describe what I'm going through is that I'm desperate. I'm desperate for this to work out because it's been so hard to wait and watch all this time go by wasted. I have this feeling that as every second ticks by without action, we're one step closer to failure. I hate admitting this because I know it makes me look weak and pathetic. I hate that I struggle with this, and I truly want to fight it, to make it go away, I just don't know how, other than to not think about it. That doesn't make the desperation and desire go away though. I need practical steps or tools that can help me get this area of my character under control because, regardless of how it makes me feel, I know that I don't honor God with any of this. I know that my panic demonstrates a lack of faith and trust in Him, and I hate that that's the truth.
A good friend shared a great song with me though, that has provided a lot of comfort to me.
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You
But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
[Chorus]
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
I know that God is not some giant gift-distributor in the sky and that by no means am I entitled to the things I want. I know that everything I have been given has been from Him and it was a gift because He loves me (as if I truly needed anything but His gift of salvation and love). And I also know that the things I desire are not bad things, but they become non-God-honoring when they become my complete and total focus.
Perhaps I've just answered my own request for practical applications/tools for how to combat my panicked impatience, i.e. focus on Him and His gospel instead of myself...I just LOVE it when I do that....
I think I just need to repeat the following verse in my mind all day, every day to get it through my thick skull: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
I'm not sure how to end this blog post, other than to petition for prayer and to say "until next time!"...
If you feel like this post came to a screeching halt (cue tire screeching sound) then you're not alone. I wrote the darn thing and I feel the same way. Meh, I'll come back to it later and give it a better ending. Until then, I'll be off working at being patient.
L.O.L.
Yeah, sure, I have no trouble being patient for the things in which I have no personal invested interest. If I'm in line at the grocery store, I honestly couldn't care less about how long I have to wait in line. Heck, if you wanted to cut in front of me, I'd send you along with my blessing! If I needed gas and had to wait for other people in front of me, I might be a little worried for fear of running out of gas, but otherwise, I'd be perfectly fine. Even if I was out clothes shopping and you purchased that last remaining item of clothing that maybe I had my eye one, you know what? Knock yourself out, I'm sure you'll look great in it! I can come back some other time and see if they restocked it or find something comparable (ok, this last one is like 50/50...).
Regardless, in trivial matters, (barring situations where I'm in a time crunch or have a deadline to meet), I've got all the time and patience in the world. As much as I'd like to think, my patience in those situations is not some impressive display of self-control and moral fortitude. I'm pretty sure most people will agree that it's easy to be patient for things that don't really have an impact on their life. For things that do though, well that's a whole different story, at least for me anyways.
As I've highlighted before, patience has been something I've struggled with for a while and I'm not proud of it (cats anyone?). In the past, it wasn't beyond my capabilities to become incredibly moody, sullen, irritable, grumpy, whiny, complainy, manipulative, disgruntled, and even on occasion, angry, because I couldn't get what I wanted when I wanted it, whether due to finances or other outside forces that were beyond my control. Honestly, it's really embarrassing to admit that, even now, it's still a struggle. However, by and through God's grace and with the help/encouragement of my loving and understanding husband, I have really been striving to fight against my immediate I-want-it-now desires and to instead practice patience. Praise and glory to God, I have actually had some successes. I couldn't do it if I was relying on my own abilities.
Recently, though, my new-found, fledgeling self-control is being put through its first real test, and it has definitely not been easy. It's been a genuine struggle to not get frustrated, become moody or irritable, and honestly, to not panic as Jon and I are navigating through a new phase in our life. Because of continued disappointments and struggles, it's been difficult for me to not freak out about the little things of the process we're going through because I so desperately want things to work out. It's so hard for me to be patient because I want things to be accomplished as soon as possible so that we can guarantee that we won't have to wait for very long for what we want. That somehow by getting everything finished quickly, we'll guarantee success, even though logically and rationally speaking, I know that it likely won't have a huge impact one way or the other. That unfortunately doesn't negate this fear that I have, a fear that if we don't get things done immediately, then things will fall through and we'll be right back at square one. And that terrifies me. In so many ways, I feel like time is our enemy.
I've really been struggling with how to deal with this. The best way I can describe what I'm going through is that I'm desperate. I'm desperate for this to work out because it's been so hard to wait and watch all this time go by wasted. I have this feeling that as every second ticks by without action, we're one step closer to failure. I hate admitting this because I know it makes me look weak and pathetic. I hate that I struggle with this, and I truly want to fight it, to make it go away, I just don't know how, other than to not think about it. That doesn't make the desperation and desire go away though. I need practical steps or tools that can help me get this area of my character under control because, regardless of how it makes me feel, I know that I don't honor God with any of this. I know that my panic demonstrates a lack of faith and trust in Him, and I hate that that's the truth.
A good friend shared a great song with me though, that has provided a lot of comfort to me.
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You
But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
[Chorus]
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
I know that God is not some giant gift-distributor in the sky and that by no means am I entitled to the things I want. I know that everything I have been given has been from Him and it was a gift because He loves me (as if I truly needed anything but His gift of salvation and love). And I also know that the things I desire are not bad things, but they become non-God-honoring when they become my complete and total focus.
Perhaps I've just answered my own request for practical applications/tools for how to combat my panicked impatience, i.e. focus on Him and His gospel instead of myself...I just LOVE it when I do that....
I think I just need to repeat the following verse in my mind all day, every day to get it through my thick skull: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
I'm not sure how to end this blog post, other than to petition for prayer and to say "until next time!"...
If you feel like this post came to a screeching halt (cue tire screeching sound) then you're not alone. I wrote the darn thing and I feel the same way. Meh, I'll come back to it later and give it a better ending. Until then, I'll be off working at being patient.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Pity Parties NOT allowed....ok....
I'm not big on year-end summaries, mostly because in years past, I've usually had nothing to summarize. As I mentioned in my last blog post, we're creatures of habit, so versatility/dramatic changes aren't very frequent.
This past year however, a lot has happened. Without going into tons of detail, there has been a lot that has tested both my faith and character with some successes, but unfortunately more failures. Emotionally, I had been all over the place and it was enormously challenging to keep a right attitude a lot of the time, especially early on/mid-way through the year.
When it was toughest to deal with our struggle, I would (sadly...) dissolve into woe-is-me, I can't believe I'm dealing with this, does God really think I can handle this because right now I think He way overestimated my abilities, this REALLY REALLY SUCKS, I'm so angry about this, why me, pity parties. They were as awesome as they sounded.
The person I was during those times was not pretty. I was so angry, weak (in character), constantly demoralized, miserable to be around, sad, and gave into my sin far more than I ever thought I would and should have. I was far more concerned about me and what I wasn't getting than really anything else. Yes, what I was dealing with was difficult (though, I know that there are others struggling far more than me...), but it's in trials that our faith is tested (James 1). I certainly wasn't passing the test and the trial we found ourselves going through highlighted this glaring weakness in my character and faith. I realized that I had a lot of growing to do.
Many people are familiar with the first chapter in James, that speaks very clearly on Christians considering trials joy. Conceptually, I understand exactly what the point was. It's truly a great verse and one I often looked to in previous struggles. This time however, it was the last verse I wanted to hear and was very rarely, if ever, effective (that is of course all on me). More often than not, I would just get frustrated every time I heard it (again, my problem) because, in my completely self-absorbed, angry, woe-is-me state, I didn't think this applied to me, or that it was impossible for me to consider my trial a joy. And I certainly didn't WANT to consider it joy. There are a host of character issues in those last two sentences alone, namely my "need" to control, my entitlement mindset, my selfishness, my struggle with idolatry, and several other issues that could easily be covered in each their own blog post. For now though, I'll stick with the issue at hand, my need to consider my trials a joy.
This past Sunday, 2/3/13, we heard a really great sermon on trials and joy. Instead of using a good go-to chapter in James, the pastor focused on Paul and his time in prison when he wrote his second letter to Timothy. I'm really glad we decided to go to church that morning, because I was doing my best to get out of it beforehand. The only thing that made me go, honestly, was the fact that I told my parents that we were going to go and I didn't want to later lie about it. Lol, sad but true. I think the timing of this sermon though, was perfect for me. The pastor was talking about how throughout Paul's imprisonment, he was always far more concerned about the churches he had ministered to, more concerned about his "spiritual children" (those he had lead to Christ) than he was ever about himself. Never once was he having a pity party about being in prison. Not once. Was it easy? Heck no. From a worldly perspective, he would have had every right to bemoan his circumstances, to lash out, be angry, be depressed, feel sorry for himself, complain. But he didn't.
Comparing this to my struggle, I just feel silly. Not so much because of what we're struggling with, but because knowing the magnitude at which he was suffering far exceeds mine, and he was still joyful. He was joyful because ultimately, his joy was in the Lord, not his circumstances. And this is where my true struggle originates. I couldn't be joyful because my ultimate joy at the time rested in myself, my circumstances, and my desires which obviously weren't turning out how I wanted. I was focused solely on me. What a shocking revelation, right? That when things wouldn't work out how I wanted them to, I would automatically delve into a horrible attitude/joyless, spoiled rotten brat mind-set? I know, I was just as surprised as you...I NEVER would have suspected that....
Anyways, the pastor finished off the sermon by laying out 4 points to help avoid, as he called it, a spiritual pity party - tactics to help avoid being self-focused:
The pastor also challenged us to read the book of 2 Timothy 3 times this week. For the first time in a while, I was excited to begin quiet times again. For so long, I've felt like I was just wandering through it, just doing it to get it done. After a while, I actually just stopped doing it all together because I felt like I wasn't getting anything out of it. But now, I have a goal and a basic understanding of what it is I need to learn from this book. I'm excited to see where I go from here.
That's all for now. More to come in the future. Hopefully I'll have exciting updates to pontificate on in the near future :).
This past year however, a lot has happened. Without going into tons of detail, there has been a lot that has tested both my faith and character with some successes, but unfortunately more failures. Emotionally, I had been all over the place and it was enormously challenging to keep a right attitude a lot of the time, especially early on/mid-way through the year.
When it was toughest to deal with our struggle, I would (sadly...) dissolve into woe-is-me, I can't believe I'm dealing with this, does God really think I can handle this because right now I think He way overestimated my abilities, this REALLY REALLY SUCKS, I'm so angry about this, why me, pity parties. They were as awesome as they sounded.
The person I was during those times was not pretty. I was so angry, weak (in character), constantly demoralized, miserable to be around, sad, and gave into my sin far more than I ever thought I would and should have. I was far more concerned about me and what I wasn't getting than really anything else. Yes, what I was dealing with was difficult (though, I know that there are others struggling far more than me...), but it's in trials that our faith is tested (James 1). I certainly wasn't passing the test and the trial we found ourselves going through highlighted this glaring weakness in my character and faith. I realized that I had a lot of growing to do.
Many people are familiar with the first chapter in James, that speaks very clearly on Christians considering trials joy. Conceptually, I understand exactly what the point was. It's truly a great verse and one I often looked to in previous struggles. This time however, it was the last verse I wanted to hear and was very rarely, if ever, effective (that is of course all on me). More often than not, I would just get frustrated every time I heard it (again, my problem) because, in my completely self-absorbed, angry, woe-is-me state, I didn't think this applied to me, or that it was impossible for me to consider my trial a joy. And I certainly didn't WANT to consider it joy. There are a host of character issues in those last two sentences alone, namely my "need" to control, my entitlement mindset, my selfishness, my struggle with idolatry, and several other issues that could easily be covered in each their own blog post. For now though, I'll stick with the issue at hand, my need to consider my trials a joy.
This past Sunday, 2/3/13, we heard a really great sermon on trials and joy. Instead of using a good go-to chapter in James, the pastor focused on Paul and his time in prison when he wrote his second letter to Timothy. I'm really glad we decided to go to church that morning, because I was doing my best to get out of it beforehand. The only thing that made me go, honestly, was the fact that I told my parents that we were going to go and I didn't want to later lie about it. Lol, sad but true. I think the timing of this sermon though, was perfect for me. The pastor was talking about how throughout Paul's imprisonment, he was always far more concerned about the churches he had ministered to, more concerned about his "spiritual children" (those he had lead to Christ) than he was ever about himself. Never once was he having a pity party about being in prison. Not once. Was it easy? Heck no. From a worldly perspective, he would have had every right to bemoan his circumstances, to lash out, be angry, be depressed, feel sorry for himself, complain. But he didn't.
Comparing this to my struggle, I just feel silly. Not so much because of what we're struggling with, but because knowing the magnitude at which he was suffering far exceeds mine, and he was still joyful. He was joyful because ultimately, his joy was in the Lord, not his circumstances. And this is where my true struggle originates. I couldn't be joyful because my ultimate joy at the time rested in myself, my circumstances, and my desires which obviously weren't turning out how I wanted. I was focused solely on me. What a shocking revelation, right? That when things wouldn't work out how I wanted them to, I would automatically delve into a horrible attitude/joyless, spoiled rotten brat mind-set? I know, I was just as surprised as you...I NEVER would have suspected that....
Anyways, the pastor finished off the sermon by laying out 4 points to help avoid, as he called it, a spiritual pity party - tactics to help avoid being self-focused:
- Gratitude for your spiritual heritage
- Who were those who led you to Christ? Family? Friend? Church? Demonstrate your gratitude to them. If not for them, we likely wouldn't know about what Jesus did for us on the Cross.
- On the flip side, what spiritual DNA are we laying down? Who are we ministering to?
- Commitment to affirm others.
- The strongest temptation when having a pity party is to focus on ourselves. To avoid this, think of others. Thank God for them and their role in your life, much like Paul did with Timothy in 2 Tim 1:5 "I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also."
- Who are we thankful for? Who are we thanking God for?
- Are we strengthening others around us? Are we affirming God-given gifts that we see in others?
- Consistent Intercessory prayer
- Praying for OTHERS. 2 Tim 1:3 " I thank God, whom I serve, as my ancestors did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers."
- This was something that Paul regularly did - he was constantly praying for others around him, for people he had encountered throughout his ministry.
- Daily dependence on the Holy Spirit
- Verse 7 "For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline."
- He is the One who strengthens our spirit
- Where do you go when
you know you need resources beyond the resources that you have? Our own
competence isn't going to cut it. That's where the Holy Spirit comes
in - our God has not given us a spirit of timidity. We can't hide from
our problems. We have been given supernatural ability in the Holy
Spirit. "The problem before us is never as great as the power within
us"
The pastor also challenged us to read the book of 2 Timothy 3 times this week. For the first time in a while, I was excited to begin quiet times again. For so long, I've felt like I was just wandering through it, just doing it to get it done. After a while, I actually just stopped doing it all together because I felt like I wasn't getting anything out of it. But now, I have a goal and a basic understanding of what it is I need to learn from this book. I'm excited to see where I go from here.
That's all for now. More to come in the future. Hopefully I'll have exciting updates to pontificate on in the near future :).
Thursday, January 24, 2013
I'm Back!
It's been while since I last posted on here. It's been so long that,
for a while, it looked as if Google had actually deleted my blog. That
was a horrifying prospect, as I had put a lot of time and effort into
that! But I found it, so it's all good now.
I stopped posting for a while because there wasn't much to write about honestly. We're creatures of routine, so updates and exciting events are fewer and farther between than they otherwise would be. Not that I'm complaining, but it doesn't really provide much material for regular blog posts. My poor long-distance friends though. It might be several months in-between when we're able to chat and catch up, and I'll rarely have anything new to tell them, so I probably bore them a bit. Lol, oh well.
In any event, I'm back, and actually have things to write about again. Some of it is sad, some is ugly, and some will be me just talking and spouting off whatever I'm trying to learn through whatever experience I find myself going through. Naturally, however, the thing that provides me current inspiration for this post and hopefully others to follow, is, of course, a whopper. At least it's material...? Meh. In any event, let the exposition commence.
Today's topic of conversation: Bitterness and Resentment
Boy oh boy, where to begin with this one.
To be honest, I never anticipated having to confront these two issues. Partly because I have a terrible memory about things, so it's fairly likely that I'm just going to forget something negative that's happened to me in the past. This has actually proven to be quite useful, as it makes forgiveness that much easier (please don't misunderstand me though, I don't say any of this flippantly or arrogantly. It's by God's grace alone, truly, that I and everyone have the ability to extend forgiveness. It's truly a gift). The other reason why I never anticipated encountering these two issues is because (naively) I really thought that I would never experience situations where I would subtly grow bitter and resentful towards someone. Jokes on me with this one.
To be clear, whenever I have felt that there has been an offense against me and someone has apologized, it is a true joy to extend them forgiveness ("Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven--for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." Luke 7:47). What I didn't expect though, was to encounter something over the years that would subtly build and build until it came to a point when I wanted nothing to do with the person who I have been wounded by. This is largely because of frequent hurt (metaphorical, not literal..) with lack of apology. I know that if I can't lay the offense at the altar and forgive them without them seeking forgiveness, then I need to go to them and talk to them about it (Matthew 18), but unfortunately for me, this is where my pride kicks in.
There are only a few things that genuinely bother me enough to actually do something about them (for the record, I'm not boasting about this...I know that this is a horrible character trait and weakness. Right now, I'm just being open and honest). One of the most prominent, is my intense dislike (I'd use a far stronger word if I wasn't trying to filter myself...) of being taken advantage of or being lied to/burned. When those things are combined, you better believe I won't let it happen again. This often translates into my extrication from that person's life completely and never speaking to them again. I know, I'm just a glowing beacon of Christ's love for everyone when I get like this...
However, this might seem like a simple solution and certainly a prideful one ("Ha! As punishment, I will remove myself from your life and you will miss me and regret what you did because I'm that awesome!"...I amaze even myself, and NOT in a good way), but it's not, even from a practical standpoint. It becomes even more of an impractical and detrimental solution when it's completely impossible to extricate yourself. As a result, I'm being forced to face the problem head on. The difficulty with this however, is that every fiber of my being wants to do the exact opposite. Why, hello pride, so good of you to join me....*cue horror music*
People can delude themselves into thinking that it's OK to harbor these feelings of bitterness and resentment (put me first in line...) and that no matter what anyone says, we can control it and not let it impact any other area of life (again, I'm right at the front of the line...). Let me tell you, this is a lie straight from the devil. It is a poison and it will weave it's way into every part of your life and if given free reign/left uncontrolled, it will ruin your life. I should know, I've been miserable (personally and to be with) these past several months...
For a long time I was lying to myself thinking that not only was I in control of it, but even worse, that I wasn't even struggling with bitterness and resentment. I believed that they were non-issues for me because I felt like I wasn't even experiencing those feeling towards anyone. Truth is, I was and I was just trying to hide it from everyone else so that they wouldn't confront me and lovingly challenge and convict me on my stance. No matter how much I had been hurt, I was ultimately wrong.
It's a tough pill to swallow when you have to lay down the pride and hurt that you've nursed for far longer than you realized. In my case, it was years, and I never believed that I was bitter and resentful towards that person until things between me (and others involved) and that person came to a head. When there was division between me and that person, all the hurt, bitterness, resentment, anger, and frustration came boiling over and I believed that I had a right to have all these feelings and to hang onto them and to make that person pay for all that they've done to me over the years.
It's funny though, how even in those moments, one's conscience comes into play, often when we don't want them to (naturally...). Throughout this whole ordeal, I've logically known that I have had no right to hold these feelings and years of hurt against this person, that I should instead be praying for them that God would be at work in their life and that things would eventually be resolved in a God-glorifying manner. Instead, I was rejoicing in the fact that for the first time, I felt free from this person and all the fake pretenses and acts that I had to put on with this person just to be around them. Yet throughout all of this, there has been this nagging feeling and question that has been in the back of my mind quite frequently (I think maybe God is trying to tell me something??...hmmm): "What makes you better than them? Don't you do the exact same things to Jesus Christ? Does He treat you the way you're treating this person?".... No! Go away conscience! Let me relish in my feelings!....
Fact of the matter is, emotions and hurt aside, I know that I'm wrong. I know that I've been no better in my thoughts and actions these past several months than the one who has hurt me, at least in this area. I know that logically and especially as a Christ follower, I have no right to be bitter or resentful towards anyone, no matter how much hurt they have caused. The reason for this is because Jesus NEVER has or nor ever will do that to me. No matter how many times I sin against Him, even without apology or with repeat offense, He will not harbor those things against me, when I finally come crawling back. He showed and continues to show me forgiveness. He took the punishment I deserved for my sin on Himself rather than giving it to me. That's what forgiveness is.
It is definitely not going to be easy to fight against these poisonous feelings that are deep seated in my heart and character. Do I want to fight them? No. Do I have to fight them? Yes. Will I like fighting them? Heck no. Will I do it anyways? [Do I have a choice...(of course you do... {now I'm talking to myself...this is obviously a good sign...}] YES AND JOYFULLY, even if not happily.
Joking aside, I don't want to fight them but I know I have to. I know however that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" - Philippians 4:13 and that gives me hope. I'm choosing to do this because I want to obey and glorify my heavenly Father and I hope that through this, my heart will soften and change towards this person.
In writing this post, the following song popped into my head. It's a great song and every time I've heard it, I know that it's exactly what I needed to hear, except the fact that I ignored the message every time because I didn't want to hear it. Naturally. Not this time though...well at least for now.
Forgiveness - Matthew West
"It's the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don't deserve
It's the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have to say the word...
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It's always anger's own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It's the whisper in your ear saying 'set it free'
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
It'll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what its power can do
So let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness"
It's funny how a song can seem written just to/for you.
I have more to say on this issue, but I'll leave it for another post. This definitely won't be the last time I talk about this and certainly not the last time I'll struggle with it. But I find that I can gather my thoughts better when I'm able to write them out like this, so perhaps this will be more helpful to me than I originally planned.
Prayers are always appreciated :).
I stopped posting for a while because there wasn't much to write about honestly. We're creatures of routine, so updates and exciting events are fewer and farther between than they otherwise would be. Not that I'm complaining, but it doesn't really provide much material for regular blog posts. My poor long-distance friends though. It might be several months in-between when we're able to chat and catch up, and I'll rarely have anything new to tell them, so I probably bore them a bit. Lol, oh well.
In any event, I'm back, and actually have things to write about again. Some of it is sad, some is ugly, and some will be me just talking and spouting off whatever I'm trying to learn through whatever experience I find myself going through. Naturally, however, the thing that provides me current inspiration for this post and hopefully others to follow, is, of course, a whopper. At least it's material...? Meh. In any event, let the exposition commence.
Today's topic of conversation: Bitterness and Resentment
Boy oh boy, where to begin with this one.
To be honest, I never anticipated having to confront these two issues. Partly because I have a terrible memory about things, so it's fairly likely that I'm just going to forget something negative that's happened to me in the past. This has actually proven to be quite useful, as it makes forgiveness that much easier (please don't misunderstand me though, I don't say any of this flippantly or arrogantly. It's by God's grace alone, truly, that I and everyone have the ability to extend forgiveness. It's truly a gift). The other reason why I never anticipated encountering these two issues is because (naively) I really thought that I would never experience situations where I would subtly grow bitter and resentful towards someone. Jokes on me with this one.
To be clear, whenever I have felt that there has been an offense against me and someone has apologized, it is a true joy to extend them forgiveness ("Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven--for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." Luke 7:47). What I didn't expect though, was to encounter something over the years that would subtly build and build until it came to a point when I wanted nothing to do with the person who I have been wounded by. This is largely because of frequent hurt (metaphorical, not literal..) with lack of apology. I know that if I can't lay the offense at the altar and forgive them without them seeking forgiveness, then I need to go to them and talk to them about it (Matthew 18), but unfortunately for me, this is where my pride kicks in.
There are only a few things that genuinely bother me enough to actually do something about them (for the record, I'm not boasting about this...I know that this is a horrible character trait and weakness. Right now, I'm just being open and honest). One of the most prominent, is my intense dislike (I'd use a far stronger word if I wasn't trying to filter myself...) of being taken advantage of or being lied to/burned. When those things are combined, you better believe I won't let it happen again. This often translates into my extrication from that person's life completely and never speaking to them again. I know, I'm just a glowing beacon of Christ's love for everyone when I get like this...
However, this might seem like a simple solution and certainly a prideful one ("Ha! As punishment, I will remove myself from your life and you will miss me and regret what you did because I'm that awesome!"...I amaze even myself, and NOT in a good way), but it's not, even from a practical standpoint. It becomes even more of an impractical and detrimental solution when it's completely impossible to extricate yourself. As a result, I'm being forced to face the problem head on. The difficulty with this however, is that every fiber of my being wants to do the exact opposite. Why, hello pride, so good of you to join me....*cue horror music*
People can delude themselves into thinking that it's OK to harbor these feelings of bitterness and resentment (put me first in line...) and that no matter what anyone says, we can control it and not let it impact any other area of life (again, I'm right at the front of the line...). Let me tell you, this is a lie straight from the devil. It is a poison and it will weave it's way into every part of your life and if given free reign/left uncontrolled, it will ruin your life. I should know, I've been miserable (personally and to be with) these past several months...
For a long time I was lying to myself thinking that not only was I in control of it, but even worse, that I wasn't even struggling with bitterness and resentment. I believed that they were non-issues for me because I felt like I wasn't even experiencing those feeling towards anyone. Truth is, I was and I was just trying to hide it from everyone else so that they wouldn't confront me and lovingly challenge and convict me on my stance. No matter how much I had been hurt, I was ultimately wrong.
It's a tough pill to swallow when you have to lay down the pride and hurt that you've nursed for far longer than you realized. In my case, it was years, and I never believed that I was bitter and resentful towards that person until things between me (and others involved) and that person came to a head. When there was division between me and that person, all the hurt, bitterness, resentment, anger, and frustration came boiling over and I believed that I had a right to have all these feelings and to hang onto them and to make that person pay for all that they've done to me over the years.
It's funny though, how even in those moments, one's conscience comes into play, often when we don't want them to (naturally...). Throughout this whole ordeal, I've logically known that I have had no right to hold these feelings and years of hurt against this person, that I should instead be praying for them that God would be at work in their life and that things would eventually be resolved in a God-glorifying manner. Instead, I was rejoicing in the fact that for the first time, I felt free from this person and all the fake pretenses and acts that I had to put on with this person just to be around them. Yet throughout all of this, there has been this nagging feeling and question that has been in the back of my mind quite frequently (I think maybe God is trying to tell me something??...hmmm): "What makes you better than them? Don't you do the exact same things to Jesus Christ? Does He treat you the way you're treating this person?".... No! Go away conscience! Let me relish in my feelings!....
Fact of the matter is, emotions and hurt aside, I know that I'm wrong. I know that I've been no better in my thoughts and actions these past several months than the one who has hurt me, at least in this area. I know that logically and especially as a Christ follower, I have no right to be bitter or resentful towards anyone, no matter how much hurt they have caused. The reason for this is because Jesus NEVER has or nor ever will do that to me. No matter how many times I sin against Him, even without apology or with repeat offense, He will not harbor those things against me, when I finally come crawling back. He showed and continues to show me forgiveness. He took the punishment I deserved for my sin on Himself rather than giving it to me. That's what forgiveness is.
It is definitely not going to be easy to fight against these poisonous feelings that are deep seated in my heart and character. Do I want to fight them? No. Do I have to fight them? Yes. Will I like fighting them? Heck no. Will I do it anyways? [Do I have a choice...(of course you do... {now I'm talking to myself...this is obviously a good sign...}] YES AND JOYFULLY, even if not happily.
Joking aside, I don't want to fight them but I know I have to. I know however that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" - Philippians 4:13 and that gives me hope. I'm choosing to do this because I want to obey and glorify my heavenly Father and I hope that through this, my heart will soften and change towards this person.
In writing this post, the following song popped into my head. It's a great song and every time I've heard it, I know that it's exactly what I needed to hear, except the fact that I ignored the message every time because I didn't want to hear it. Naturally. Not this time though...well at least for now.
Forgiveness - Matthew West
"It's the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don't deserve
It's the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have to say the word...
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It's always anger's own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It's the whisper in your ear saying 'set it free'
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
It'll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what its power can do
So let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness"
It's funny how a song can seem written just to/for you.
I have more to say on this issue, but I'll leave it for another post. This definitely won't be the last time I talk about this and certainly not the last time I'll struggle with it. But I find that I can gather my thoughts better when I'm able to write them out like this, so perhaps this will be more helpful to me than I originally planned.
Prayers are always appreciated :).
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
I'm a sinner.
I am prideful, but not in the “look how awesome I am” way.
No, I’m prideful in a far more dangerous way - I think I’m good, all by my own merits. I think that I’m doing so much better than other people in my life because I don’t and didn’t make the same mistakes they did or that I don’t struggle with the things they struggle with. It’s time I worked at eliminating this area of sin in my life. I intend to start by listing off the areas that I try to mask with outward acts of “Goodness” and/or “Piety”. My pride has caused me nothing but pain and trouble and it’s dethroned the ONLY ONE Who should be seated at the head of my life: Jesus Christ.
I’m arrogant. While I don’t conduct myself in a condescending manner (at least I hope I don’t because I’d be even more mortified than I currently am), in my mind, I’m judging people and viewing myself as though I’m better than them. Sure, I have my moments of sin, but overall, I think I’m doing way better than they are.
I have to be right all the time. I think my opinion on important issues is most often the right one. When I’m wrong, I do not willingly acknowledge this. Only after the point has been beaten over my head (metaphorically) and I’ve offended someone because I’ve not been humble, do I begrudgingly admit when I’m wrong. I’m rarely willing to apologize for my attitude, and when I do apologize, I do so out of obligation to appease whomever I upset.
I’m manipulative. When something doesn’t go my way, I make sure others feel bad about it. When I’m offended, I have to make sure the person feels as horrible as I do before I’m willing to acknowledge their apology.
I get angry very easily. If something happens that I don’t approve of or don’t like, my immediate reaction is to get angry, as though that’s going to change things. If someone contradicts me, I get angry at them. When someone offends me, I get angry at them until they make amends.
I lack discipline. I can’t set my mind to something and accomplish it in its entirety unless there is pressure being put on me, whether in the presence of someone or under a deadline. If I have time to complete something, I will goof off and surf the web before it’s absolutely necessary for me to complete what it was I was working on.
I’m judgmental. I look at people and highlight their flaws. If they do something I don’t approve of, I look down on them. If they’re not as mature as I am, I look down on them. If they’re not like me, I look down on them. Gah.
I’m resentful. If someone has offended me and hasn’t apologized for it, I want nothing to do with that person ever again. Even if they do apologize, I don’t really forgive them until I think they’ve paid the punishment for their offense.
I'm impatient. When I don't get what I want exactly when I want it, I behave like a spoiled brat. In an instant, my life becomes so difficult that I can hardly bear it.
I’m a wretched, broken sinner in desperate need of a Savior.
I need a daily reminder of all these character weaknesses because it’s very easy for me to overlook them, downplay them, or outright ignore them. I’m disgustingly prideful. The fact that I think I’m better than other people shows how deep seated this pride is in my life. The only way I can really see myself overcoming this, is to make this known to other people. It hurts. It’s humiliating. It’s hard. But I’m not a good person. I’m a sinner who aims to control her life because I think I do a great job of it. Yet when I look at all those lovely qualities above, I couldn’t be more off. I’m a sinner who was rescued by the perfect blood of Jesus Christ. I did nothing to earn that and nothing to deserve it. It was because HE LOVED ME. And the best I’m able to give Him right now is a few minutes of reading the Bible in the morning. I’ve had enough and it’s time to let the Lord of Creation be the Lord of my life. Completely.
No, I’m prideful in a far more dangerous way - I think I’m good, all by my own merits. I think that I’m doing so much better than other people in my life because I don’t and didn’t make the same mistakes they did or that I don’t struggle with the things they struggle with. It’s time I worked at eliminating this area of sin in my life. I intend to start by listing off the areas that I try to mask with outward acts of “Goodness” and/or “Piety”. My pride has caused me nothing but pain and trouble and it’s dethroned the ONLY ONE Who should be seated at the head of my life: Jesus Christ.
I’m arrogant. While I don’t conduct myself in a condescending manner (at least I hope I don’t because I’d be even more mortified than I currently am), in my mind, I’m judging people and viewing myself as though I’m better than them. Sure, I have my moments of sin, but overall, I think I’m doing way better than they are.
I have to be right all the time. I think my opinion on important issues is most often the right one. When I’m wrong, I do not willingly acknowledge this. Only after the point has been beaten over my head (metaphorically) and I’ve offended someone because I’ve not been humble, do I begrudgingly admit when I’m wrong. I’m rarely willing to apologize for my attitude, and when I do apologize, I do so out of obligation to appease whomever I upset.
I’m manipulative. When something doesn’t go my way, I make sure others feel bad about it. When I’m offended, I have to make sure the person feels as horrible as I do before I’m willing to acknowledge their apology.
I get angry very easily. If something happens that I don’t approve of or don’t like, my immediate reaction is to get angry, as though that’s going to change things. If someone contradicts me, I get angry at them. When someone offends me, I get angry at them until they make amends.
I lack discipline. I can’t set my mind to something and accomplish it in its entirety unless there is pressure being put on me, whether in the presence of someone or under a deadline. If I have time to complete something, I will goof off and surf the web before it’s absolutely necessary for me to complete what it was I was working on.
I’m judgmental. I look at people and highlight their flaws. If they do something I don’t approve of, I look down on them. If they’re not as mature as I am, I look down on them. If they’re not like me, I look down on them. Gah.
I’m resentful. If someone has offended me and hasn’t apologized for it, I want nothing to do with that person ever again. Even if they do apologize, I don’t really forgive them until I think they’ve paid the punishment for their offense.
I'm impatient. When I don't get what I want exactly when I want it, I behave like a spoiled brat. In an instant, my life becomes so difficult that I can hardly bear it.
I’m a wretched, broken sinner in desperate need of a Savior.
I need a daily reminder of all these character weaknesses because it’s very easy for me to overlook them, downplay them, or outright ignore them. I’m disgustingly prideful. The fact that I think I’m better than other people shows how deep seated this pride is in my life. The only way I can really see myself overcoming this, is to make this known to other people. It hurts. It’s humiliating. It’s hard. But I’m not a good person. I’m a sinner who aims to control her life because I think I do a great job of it. Yet when I look at all those lovely qualities above, I couldn’t be more off. I’m a sinner who was rescued by the perfect blood of Jesus Christ. I did nothing to earn that and nothing to deserve it. It was because HE LOVED ME. And the best I’m able to give Him right now is a few minutes of reading the Bible in the morning. I’ve had enough and it’s time to let the Lord of Creation be the Lord of my life. Completely.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Husband Card
I love my Dad. He is one of the most God-fearing, God-honoring, loving, selfless, gracious, hard-working, servant-hearted people I know. Until Jon came into my life over 4 years ago, he was the main man in my life. There was never a time where I was insecure or felt unwanted or unloved, because he took his role as "Dad" seriously. I never felt the need to seek attention and affection elsewhere, because I always knew how much he loved and cherished me. He was my greatest protector, defender, greatest support, and he has always been a constant in my life. Aside from my relationship with Jesus Christ, I am the person I am today because of him.
Whilst cleaning my room this afternoon, I stumbled upon my "Husband Card". When I was 14 or 15, my dad gave me one of the best pieces of advice (among many) and that was to compose a list of character qualities I would want to have in a future husband. At the time, I thought it was a strange thing to do, and I actually put it off for a while. Eventually I did sit down and write it, and I'm so grateful I did and that my Dad encouraged me to so do.
The point of the Husband Card is to, in a moment of clear, rational, non-emotional thought, create a guideline or check list of all the qualities that would make a good husband. It would be something I would reference whenever I entered the dating scene and would be looking to find a future spouse.
When I read it again this afternoon, it was the coolest thing to compare my husband to the things I wanted in a husband when I wrote it. He matches up perfectly. I decided, therefore, to write out my card for those who want to read it and perhaps do something similar. I'm so grateful that my dad encouraged me to do this, because it helped me choose a God-fearing, loving and honoring man to be my husband. I strongly encourage others who have not yet found their spouse to do so as well - you won't regret it. So, here it is:
Husband Card
I. Spiritual Character
Whilst cleaning my room this afternoon, I stumbled upon my "Husband Card". When I was 14 or 15, my dad gave me one of the best pieces of advice (among many) and that was to compose a list of character qualities I would want to have in a future husband. At the time, I thought it was a strange thing to do, and I actually put it off for a while. Eventually I did sit down and write it, and I'm so grateful I did and that my Dad encouraged me to so do.
The point of the Husband Card is to, in a moment of clear, rational, non-emotional thought, create a guideline or check list of all the qualities that would make a good husband. It would be something I would reference whenever I entered the dating scene and would be looking to find a future spouse.
When I read it again this afternoon, it was the coolest thing to compare my husband to the things I wanted in a husband when I wrote it. He matches up perfectly. I decided, therefore, to write out my card for those who want to read it and perhaps do something similar. I'm so grateful that my dad encouraged me to do this, because it helped me choose a God-fearing, loving and honoring man to be my husband. I strongly encourage others who have not yet found their spouse to do so as well - you won't regret it. So, here it is:
Husband Card
I. Spiritual Character
- Strong, devoted Christ Follower (check)
- Open about and willing to share his faith (check)
- Challenges me to grow in my walk with Jesus Christ (check)
- God fearing man (check)
- Leader (check)
- Moral (check)
- Hard-worker (check)
- Ethical (check)
- Not a work-a-holic (check)
- Gentleman (check)
- Honest (check)
- Generous (check)
- Kind (check)
- Respectful (check)
- Considerate(check)
- Humble(check)
- Funny (check)
- Gentle (check)
- Open (check)
- Serious minded (check)
- Talkative, but not "non-stop" (lol, check)
- Start a family (check)
- Wants to home school kids (likely a check)
- Is willing to be sole provider for the family (check)
- Definitely no divorce (check)
- Good, solid education (check)
- Graduate from college with degree (check)
- Good solid paying job (grad school counts, so check)
- Financial Stability (check)
- Not a divorced man (lol, definitely check)
- Stays in good, reasonable shape (check)
- broad shoulders (lol, yup, check)
- muscular arms (lol, yup)
- Good posture, knows how to carry himself (check)
- Strong (yup)
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Patience is a Virtue
One of the things I think God has been teaching me over the years, but most especially since I got married, has been patience.
As I've mentioned in previous posts, I have this problem with demanding immediate gratification for things I want. I know, it's horrifying when I realize how spoiled rotten I sound.
Then I married Jon. In many ways, he is my complete opposite. This tends to be reflected in finances and big decisions we have to make. Over our year and a half of marriage, there have been many times when I've thought we "needed" something but weren't necessarily able to afford at the time. I'm ashamed to say that I wasn't the easiest person to be married to during those moments. Through God's grace however, I have worked very hard to curtail those reactions when I realize I can't have something I want right away. I've had to be patient and realize that, while I can't immediately have it, if I just practice some self-control, we'll eventually be able to afford it and I'll be none-the-worse for the wear.
While it's been easier for me to tackle my reactions when being patient for material things, there are other issues that have proven to be a greater struggle. I can't help but think however, that it is another way for God to chip away at my character weaknesses, so that I can trust in Him more and become more Christ-like. It's just so much harder when the thing you want so desperately can't immediately become a reality. It's in times like these however, that I have to remind myself of the many wonderful things I do have and be thankful for them. I know so many others would give anything to be in my position, and I should be grateful. In these times of struggle, I've found the following verses to be helpful.
Proverbs 13:12 "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."
Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"
Psalms 37:4: "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
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