You are who you choose to be

Here's a little background information behind this blog.

My brother, Trent, has a rare bone disease called McCune Albright Syndrome which consists primarily of Fibrous Dysplasia (makes the bones brittle and easily breakable) and endocrine system abnormalities (like Hyperthyriodism - thankfully it's no longer an issue).  When Trent was diagnosed with this disease, my parents didn't knowhow to navigate this new phase in their lives.  It was then that they received the best advice they ever could have: "treat him normally".  And they did.  Trent is a perfectly normal, hilarious, intelligent, wonderful, loving, and sometimes annoying little brother whom I love more than I can say.

Despite the severity of his disease, Trent's life-long doctor, Dr. Stanton, was determined to make that statement/advice a reality.  His main goal was to keep Trent out of a wheelchair and walking.  Here is the note my brother wrote to Dr. Stanton after his graduation:

I choked up reading it.

Dr. Stanton:

Thank you so much for your kindness in sending me the check for $75.00 for my graduation. I plan on continuing at our local community college then hopefully transfer to Grove City College.

Thanks to you I am not in a wheelchair and I have lived a relatively normal life. That is the greatest gift I was ever given and on graduation day I was reminded of that gift as I walked down the aisle.

Thank you for everything.

Trent

He's a testament to the fact that you aren't defined by your circumstances, challenges, disabilities, etc.  Thank you to the doctors who gave my parents that invaluable advice.  Thank you to the doctors that have enabled Trent to lead a normal life.  Mostly, thank You God for Your never ending mercies, grace, and love. God truly is sufficient.

Talkin' talkin' talkin' talk..

You know those people who are easy to talk to? The ones who naturally keep a conversation flowing from one topic to the next without batting an eye?  Or those who make it easier to (cliche alert!) be yourself and are genuinely interested in what's being said? I know a few people like that.  No matter what you're talking about, they make you feel like what you're saying is interesting or important.  They are some of the sweetest and kindest people you will ever meet, and I would love to be like that.

Recently, I've been more aware of my conversation skills (or lack thereof).  I've come to the realization that, despite not being the stereotypical home-schooler, I have managed to mostly become....brace yourselves...socially awkward.  I know.  It's true.  I'm sure many of you are thinking right now, "No!" or "It's not possible! Jennifer is the coolest person ever!!" or "Oh the humanity!".  I know.  I was thinking the same thing.

But it's true.  I, Jennifer Lynn Moore am almost entirely conversationally inept.  I wish that was where it ended, but unfortunately, there's more.  I'm even worse when I have to actually MEET people and get to know them. Seriously, if I had a reality TV show,  my audience would quickly drop off due to death-by-cringe.  I'm the most awkward person ever when it comes to interacting with humanity.

Seriously though, all joking aside, I've found it quite difficult to talk to people.  Once we've moved past the usual pleasantries of a conversation, I find it nearly impossible to come up with something to talk about that isn't redundant, shallow, not worth discussing, etc.  I'm already utterly hopeless when it comes to stimulating conversation - heaven help me if I actually have to begin a discussion.  It's not that I'm not interested or not listening to the other person/people - I just don't know how to both listen AND contribute...I think....I don't know.

I'm not sure if what I'm saying makes any sense.  All I know is I could definitely use some pointers about how not to be a conversation killer. 

How do you people do it?!

Updates Updates Updates

I have so much to say, but so little time. It's been a while though, so I figured that I'd give a brief update on life in the Moore household.

1. For those who didn't know, I was in the hiring process with the Oklahoma City Police Department up until last month.  After much prayer, thought, and discussion, Jon and I both decided that at this point in time, it wasn't the right path for us to pursue.  I haven't completely abandoned ship, but for the time being, I'll be remaining at the golf course.  Thankfully, I love what I already do. :)
2. Speaking of the golf course, it's been insanely busy lately.  Go figure, since the weather has been great.  I like keeping busy though, it makes the day go by quickly.  Jon works there now too.  By God's grace, he was able to be hired there for the summer.  Now we get to have lunch together every day. Added bonus of working at a golf course (and very nice one at that):  We get to play golf for free.
3. Jon and I are hoping to move out of our current residence into one that is sightly-further-away-from-the-train.  As it stands, we're graced with it's wonderful  blaring horn every 2-3 hours, give or take.  Speak of the devil...here it comes...
4. God has been opening my eyes to a deeper awareness and gratitude for His glorious Gospel and what His Son did for me on the Cross.  Despite deserving God's perfect and holy Wrath, I am covered in the perfect righteousness of Christ.  Jesus Christ is undeniably and immeasurably amazing.  There aren't enough words in the human language to accurately describe Him.  He's indescribable. I'm so ashamed that I often let myself cloud/get in the way of this amazing reality and truth.  I have a lot more to say on this, but for the time being, I'm keeping it short and sweet.
5. My brother graduates high school soon.  I know I'm only 22, but seriously...it's bizarre seeing your brother, who you've known since his infancy, now growing up, graduating high school and heading to college. It's just weird.
6. Jon and I have been married for a wonderful year.  It's been the best year of my life and I'm continuously grateful that God knew exactly the right man to give me as a husband.

Ok, that's all for now.  Be back soon!

"Because I love you"

"In the same month that the Passion of the Christ was released in movie theaters, Newsweek magazine filled its front cover with a close up of actor Jim Caviezel as the bloodied and battered Christ, plus this blaring headline: "Who Really Killed Jesus?"

Isaiah (the prophet from the book of Isaiah) gives us the answer.

Who killed Jesus?

God did.  God the Father was ultimately responsible for the death of His Son.  God is telling us, "I purposefully determined to crush My Son with My wrath - for your sins, as your substitute"

Why?

"Because I love you."

When you're tempted to doubt God's love for you, stand before the cross and look at the wounded, dying, disfigured Savior, and realize why He's there.  I believe His Father would whisper to us, "Isn't that sufficient? I haven't spared My own Son; I deformed and disfigured and crushed Him - for you.  What more could I do to persuade you that I love you?" "

- CJ Mahaney "Living the Cross Centered Life"

Me, me, me, God, me, me...oh wait....

Before I begin, I want to make one thing very clear: this isn't a sob story about how I'm a victim or how my current insecurity is a result of people being mean to me.  No, this is entirely about coming clean on a glaring area of sin in my life.
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I am incredibly and insufferably self-conscious.  I constantly scrutinize everything I do when interacting with people and/or cyberspace.  Questions of "How does this make me look?" or "Will saying this make me look stupid?" are, unfortunately, never far from my mind.  It's shameful.

What's sad, is that I've been like this most of my life.

I didn't have a lot of friends growing up.  I often lamented this fact to my Dad, who proceed to tell me that I have my sister (whom I later came to greatly appreciate) and that I'd meet my life-long friends in college.  I was rarely appeased.

Through a desire to have immediate gratification, I tried to pursue this one group of people in hopes of filling a void I thought I had.  Unfortunately, no matter how long, hard or how often I initiated with them, it was never reciprocated.  No friendships were formed and as a result, I became very introspective and self-conscious.  From then on, I've operated from a very selfish, appearance motivated, people pleasing mindset.

As a Christ-follower, this is the last thing I should be doing.  Instead of living a life devoted to glorifying God and dwelling in His love and mercy, I'm searching for people's acceptance.  When I feel like I'm not being accepted by people (i.e. them not reaching out to me, wanting to be the best of friends forever and ever), I berate myself, viewing it as "somethings wrong with me".  My "self-consciousness" ultimately becomes a pity party for me, myself, and I.  I'm being incredibly selfish and sinning in a big way.  My insecurity demonstrates an utter lack of contentment in what God has given me.  Even worse, I'm placing far more importance upon people's opinions, rather than God..

Jesus Christ didn't hang, suffer, and die on the Cross so that I can live a life spent worrying about MYSELF.  He died so that I could be covered in HIS Righteousness, so that when I stand before God, He won't even see ME - He will see Christ's Righteousness.  And here I am trying to be cool.  Geez.

I don't want to be the person that I am now.  I want to be completely consumed by Christ and a desire to bring Him glory, honor, and praise.  I want my identity to be solely found in Him.  I just don't know how to not care about what people think of me.  The only thing I can do is pray and ask that God help me overcome this area of sin in my life, and solicit the prayers of fellow believers.

"But I WANT that!!!"

So yesterday, Jon wanted to go to Best Buy to check out the new 3-D Nintendo DS system to see if it was all it was cracked up to be.  He was pleased.

While said husband was being entertained by the new gadget, I decided to wander around Best Buy...bad idea.  You're accosted by a Best Buy Sales person at every turn!...ok, perhaps accosted is too strong a word, but there were a lot of them, and I was asked if I needed help by at least 4 different people.  On one hand, I understand their plight - they're located next to, and therefore competing with, Wal-Mart.  Business is slow - that's pretty self-explanatory.  On the other hand, and unfortunately for them, we had no intention of buying anything.  Poor guys. To their credit though, their prices actually were better than Wal-Mart, at least as far as TV's are concerned.

Segue!

Yes.  TV's.  TVs are new, sleek, big, clear, quasi-affordable (without cable...but you can't NOT have cable..seriously...what's the point of having a nice tv then...) and Jon and I have been talking about purchasing one eventually.  I should elaborate on "eventually".  What we really mean when we say "eventually" is: way way way faaarrrr far far down the road.  I should have known better.

So, while trying to avoid the Best Buy people (in vain) down the TV isles, we browsed, checked out prices and imagined what kind and size we would like to have someday.  In my mind, however, I'm secretly getting my hopes up "It's ONLY $400 - that's SO much better than $500 or $600 and we could easily pay it off!  The picture would be so much clearer and bigger! etc".  Sound familiar?  Cats anyone?

I bet you can guess what happened next.  If you can't...well, we left.  No TV, no immediate plan of buying one, and me desperately fighting the urge to throw a fit (not tantrum, mind you).  For heavens' sake!  We can't buy a TV!  Oh the trials....

As I type this, I'm struck with one verse:

“You shall have no other gods before Me." Exodus 20:3

Wow.  I feel like I've been lambasted.

I have a lot to think about.

Ramblings

It's been close to a week since I last posted, and unfortunately, I'm at a loss of what to write about.  To add to this bothersome predicament, I can't NOT write something because I need to breathe life into this blog if I have any hopes of keeping it.

So what's my solution?  Well, as it's looking right now, I'm writing a blog about not being able to write a blog.

What's a girl to do?

Ramble.

Or I can give an update on my attempts at domestication.

It's quasi-working.  I made Ultimate Party Meatballs with Egg Noodles last night (Saturday).  It's probably one of Jon's and my favorite dinners.  Tonight was unfortunately a wash because I (by all accounts, the opposite of what I am trying to do with this challenge) had to work today.  Such is the burden of a working woman.

Tomorrow?  Probably Parmesan Encrusted (strange word to use to describe food) Tilapia.  Mom-Moore gave me the recipe.  It's delish.

Oh yeah!  The house got cleaned this weekend.

Verdict?

Jenn: 3/4 point

Non Domestication: 1/4 point